Grand Theft Auto V



Photo Cred: Forbes

There is no need for a clever title for this blog post, due to how serious it’s going to be.

Perhaps the most highly anticipated game of the year dropped in the wee hours of the morning (12:00 am to be exact) today, and here I am writing about it…not playing it…but WRITING ABOUT IT. I started downloading the game from the PlayStation Store this morning when I woke up for work, that way when I get home I can start playing until my eyes bleed (totally kidding…well, maybe). Sorry, ladies; this stallion will be out of commission for a solid 2 weeks.

“But, Mannyyyyyy. What makes this game so glorious?”

You mean, apart from the fact that there are three stories going on at once, and you can switch between the three at any given time? Or, what about the fact that there are minimal loading screens (a fact that is mind-boggling in and of itself)? How about the fact when online play is released in two weeks, there is rumored to be 700 different Crew Challenges? So it’s basically like another campaign mode, only this time you get to play with friends. Or, what about the fact that you can play golf, tennis, hunt, ride roller coasters, go parachuting, buy houses/apartments/cars, play the stock market, and hundreds of other activities? It’s pretty much real life. In a game. Where the only penalty for dying is losing some money and giving up your guns. Need I say more?

“But, Mannyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I want to see you this weekend 😦 “

Too bad, amigo. If you want to come see me, you know where my house is. I can’t promise you that I’ll be looking as flashy as I usually do. My hair may be standing up on end, I may have food all over my shirt, my eyes may be as red as the devils di…skin, and my beard may be extra scraggly. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, HOLD UP: all of this talk about beards brings something to my mind. That’s right: the RED SOX. Ughhhhh, they are so beautiful-uhhhh! Maybe I will be looking pretty top-notch when all is said in done. Come find out for yourself!

“But, Mannyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That game is gross. You can pick up…hookers…”

B****, STOP STRETCHING MY NAME OUT! DAMN…Anyways, ahhhh yesssss. Alas, the age-old argument that picking up hookers makes the game bad. This reminds me of a story of when I was just a wee little lad. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a look into my past. I hope you enjoy!

*Curtains open, lights dim* (Scene: Manny’s kitchen) I come home from, I don’t know, doing kids stuff one day, and my mom has the Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas game case in her hand with her other hand on her hip (she’s so sassy). Both of my sisters are on either side of my mom with their mischievous smiles, giggling like the little school-girls they were. My mom looks me dead in the eye, and says, “where did you get this?” My mind, racing at 200 miles per hour, as I pan my eyes from one sister, to my mom, to the other sister, thinking of something to say, when finally, it hit me: why not blame it on my dad? “…Dad got it for me for doing well in school” (who can get mad at being awarded for doing well in school?!) As I’m looking down, pulling at my shirt and kicking the imaginary rocks on the floor in my kitchen, my mom says, “oh…well…okay then” and hands it back to me. The sounds of disgust my sisters both made were too good for words to describe. Finally, one chimes in and says, “but, mom, ask him about the hookers!” Silence filled the air. (You remember how during assembly’s principles used to say “I want it so quite in here, that I can hear a pin drop!” Well I thought they meant a “pen”, and I always thought to myself, “well, you can hear that drop even with a good amount of noise.” Little did I know, they meant a pin. Anyways, back to the story). You could literally hear a pin drop. My mom gives me “the look.” You know, the one that means “you better start talking.” So, being the sly fox that I am, I say “Don’t worry, mom. I always kill them afterwards to get my money back.” Thus ensuing uncontrollable laughter. (End Scene).

Kids really do say the darnedest things! (Key “terrible 1960’s fade-out music”)


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