Beardy Beard Beard



Photo Cred: USA Today, FTW

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. IS THAT NOT JUST THE GREATEST EFFING MASCOT PICTURE EVER?! This picture made me smile like that of a 14 year-old high school freshman girl, who was just asked for a pencil by the All-State Varsity QB, Mikey Football (no relation to Johnny Football).  I mean, seriously, I challenge you to find a more awesome picture of a mascot than this one (just a forewarning, I probably won’t like your suggestions because I’m biased). By the way, this picture doesn’t give Wally’s beard justice. Here’s a link to view his full beard, basking in all its glory.

Anyways, how did I come across this ravishingly, stunning photo? Well, it all started when I arrived at work this morning. I was going about my normal routine: putting my phone/wallet/keys/sunglasses on my desk, powering up my laptop, making my water (I haven’t hit the coffee stage yet), etc. After checking my emails and warming up from being outside (the mornings are getting pretty chilly here in DC), I went to, a website dedicated to funny/odd/crazy stories involving sports. That is where I saw the beautiful image above – in thumbnail form – with the title “Red Sox offering $1 tickets to fans with beards”. Red Sox + Beards = Manny will be clicking this link, no questions asked.

The story was about how the wonderful people that make up the Red Sox Marketing and Promotions team were running a promotion where, well, fan’s with beards got $1 tickets, just as the title said. Even those who do not have the privilege of growing the greatest feature of hair on one’s body were able to get these tickets. All they had to do was wear a fake beard, or simply draw on a beard using face paint. How awesome of a promotion is that? Well done, Red Sox. I applaud thee. (Also, I wish I would have known about this promotion before it happened! I totally would have driven up to Beantown to see my Sox play for $1.)

With all of this talking about beards, you may be asking yourself, “Manny, why are you so obsessed with them?” Let me tell you: beards are like a nice flannel button-up to keep your face warm during those brisk, fall afternoons; beards give you something to stroke when in deep thought about your next big idea (this may or may not be happening as we speak); beards give off the sense that you’re not one to be messed with, especially for tall lanky guy’s lacking massive muscles like myself; beards are your best friend, they look after you by keeping snacks easily accessible at all times of the day. What’s not to like about any of that?

I don’t really know how to end this, so I’m going to make it as awkward as possible – like the awkward “turn around” when walking on the beach in a big group. Where is the turning point? Should we all do it at once? One-by-one? In couples? Quick turn around vs. looping turn around? Ummm…uhhh…errr…ehhh…AHHH…FIN.

**No beards were taken advantage of in the making of this post.


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