Wiping Off the Dust


18 days ago I was diagnosed with stage-8 writers block, a very serious condition bloggers get when we’ve simply run out of things to blog about. My life hit a serious low – I’m talkin’ “Little Orphan Annie” low: I had a lengthy break from work, thanks to the combination of the holiday’s and an enormous amount of PTO I’ve accrued; Mother Nature graced Northern VA with some warm weather (50’s-60’s) on the weekends so I could skate; and, the lowest of them all, I moved out of my parents house, and into a very spacious 4-bed/4-bath house with three of the coolest cats out there. My life was in turmoil. (If you haven’t caught onto my sarcasm, I’ll let it slide just this once – I haven’t posted in 18 days.)

Contrary to my poor attempt at sympathetic sarcasm, my life has been GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-8! The house I mentioned earlier has been the highlight of my last 2+ weeks. I couldn’t have asked to live with a greater group of guys (and girl – we all know who she is). The excitement this house brings is at such a high level that I can’t wait to get home from work at the end of the day, because Lord(e) know’s what kind of shenanigans we’ll get into. For instance, the other day I was so excited to get home that my excitement affected my driving. I was weaving in and out of traffic, just itching to get home. When pulling up to the house, I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, swung open the door, and noticed I was the first person home. I didn’t let depression get the best of me, because I knew eventually those bright, shining faces of my roommates would be walking through the door in no time. Sure enough, those bright, shining faces walked through the door, and boy did we have the time of our lives! I can’t talk about what we did – roomie-code (LoLz) – but I can assure you that you all missed out.

The one downfall about this house, and I’m being 100% serious about this, is the fact that we have a couple living in our basement, and this couple has 3-month old twins, so noise is often a factor. We’ve already had them come to our door telling us to stop hammering at 9:30 PM (rookie mistake); we’ve had them bang on the ceiling, because we were laughing too loud at night; and, the straw that broke the camels back, they emailed our landlord saying we’ve been making too much noise during the weekdays, sometimes until 3:00 AM. What are we in? Kindergarten? Little Johnny didn’t steal your Lisa Frank stickers, so there’s no need to go complaining to a grownup about it. We’re all adults – talk to us before tattling. (For the record – we’re all in bed by 11:30 PM during the week, so we’re sorry we didn’t get the memo that people started recognizing Friday nights as a weeknight.) Anyway, after having some friends over this past Friday night we learned that if the majority of people are in the kitchen and the back room located in the kitchen, then they can’t hear us that well downstairs. Supposedly these two rooms of the house are additions, and extend further back than the basement does. Chalk one up for us!

(Next time on “Chief Keef’s Trap House”: the roomies are throwing a little shindig for New Year’s, because they’re all too poor from taking on the responsibility of paying rent to go out. Will their endeavors be a success? Tune in next week to find out! *These bitches love Sosa…*)


Major League Blasphemy


Scott Cousins, Buster Posey

Photo Credit: The Associated Press

Major League Baseball is drawing up a plan to eliminate collisions at home plate, possibly as soon as next season but no later than the 2015 season. Now, I don’t really want to write an opinionated post about this issue, because I can see where both “for” and “against” sides are coming from, and I’m stuck in the middle of the two. However, there are things I do want to point out, and those things are the comments left by many of the United States greatest citizens taking advantage of their time to shine.

One thing I love doing is reading the comment board under articles, especially those of such controversial topics as this. Here you’ll find some of the best comments in the world. These comment boards give you the opportunity to hear an opposing side; watch two people virtually go at it; laugh hysterically at peoples wittiness, or how people get off on “trolling” journalists; have the thought, “how stupid can some people be?” fill your mind, followed by a blank stare at your screen; and, the creme of the crop – reading a comment by a spammer claiming her friend makes $7,000+ a week while working from home and you can do the same in three easy steps – just click here (profile picture is typically of some hot chick).

Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comments from this article (there were over 1,000 comments, and if you think I had the time to read over all of them, well, you’re right – sometimes I do. BUT, I still wouldn’t have, because I’m too lazy):

  • “Baseball fans PAY to watch the game and know they’re in danger of getting hit by a line-drive foul ball. Where’s our protection. Maybe we should be compensated too.”
  • “What about constructions workers? Should they stop hammering nails because its dangerous? They might smack their thumb!! Ouch! No more hammers!!”
  • “Major League Baseball announced today they are removing the fastball from the game because it is deemed unsafe for players” (followed by this gem of a comment) “I predict Dickey to return to Cy Young form…”
  • “They are going to ban bats by 2016. Pitches will be lobbed directly to the batter, who will then throw the ball into the field of play…”
  • “The NFL called and they agree with this rule change”
  • (For all you Hockey fans out there) NBA – Can’t touch anyone, NFL – In the process of banning every hit, MLB – No plate collisions…NHL – “Fighting and hitting is part of the game”. Gotta love hockey”
  • “Sources say by 2016 pitching machines will be used instead of pitchers to eliminate season ending arm injuries”
  • “In 2020 all sports will be played on video games and there will be 30 co-winners so we can all be friends. Yay!”
  • “Why don’t they ban sliding in general while they’re at it? A lot of players get hurt sliding into second. Running too. Fewer players would get hurt if they just stand around.”
  • “The competition committee is also working hard to make sure that players have access to orange slices both during the seventh inning stretch and at the conclusion of games.”

A special shout-out goes to the comment board of this article for writing half of my post. As previously stated, I’m lazy, and I’m proud.



Those of you who personally know me may have witnessed my undying love (and maybe uncanny, but who’s to judge?) of the Boston Red Sox, and my hatred for anything that negatively affects them. Whether these witnessed occasions have been me pouring my feelings out via Facebook posts/Tweets, or if they were in-person outbursts, I just want to let you know: if you’re seeking an apology from me, you’d have an easier time finding an ugly girl in the neighborhood The Stepford Wives lived in. And, with the deal made between the Skankees and Ellsbury, let us embark on a magical journey where I shall continue the streak of you seeking an apology.

On Tuesday night the Evil Empire and ex-Red Sox Center Fielder, Jacoby Ellsbury, struck a 7-year $153 million deal, with a pending option year to boost that lovely income. But, for some reason I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I would be. Could it be because Sox fans saw this coming after they won their 8th World Series title in October? Perhaps it’s because the Sox have a top prospect in University of South Carolina standout Jackie Bradley Jr., who is waiting to be called up to take on the tricky confines that come with playing the outfield in Fenway? Maybe it’s because Ellsbury has been riddled with injuries the past two seasons? Still shocked he would sign with a rival? Most likely it’s a combination of all of that, and more. I can’t really come to a conclusion. But, nonetheless, we have to move on.

Now, I don’t want it to sound like I’m bashing Ellsbury, or making it look like he isn’t a good fit for the Yankees, but is he really worth $153 million over 7 years? That’s almost $22 million a year, making him the 3rd highest paid outfielder in MLB history. He’s had one great, and I mean GREAT year in 2011 (30+ HR’s, 30+ steals, 100+ RBI, .321 batting avg., 158 games played), and everybody was so high on him – he would have won the AL-MVP had Justin Verlander not had a great year of his own. But, since 2010 he’s played in an average of 96 games, due to injuries (some of them minor). Do you really want to invest in something that risky? By all means go for it, Yankees. It may come back to bite you in the long run, like much of your other risky investments.

Not only did this deal shock the baseball world, but the Yankees may not have enough money to bring back perhaps the best second basemen in the Show, Robinson Cano. (I say “perhaps” because I love my boy Pedroia, and that guy is a warrior.) With the Yankees wanting to stay under the $189 million luxury-tax threshold, it may be hard thing to do having signed Ellsbury and catcher Brian McCann ($85 million). But, they’re the Yankees; if they wanted to hire some grave diggers to bring back Babe Ruth and sign him for $94 million a year, I wouldn’t be surprised…

Enough about that, it’s totally impossible; unless you’re Ellie Goulding *que’s Anything Can Happen*. I can honestly say I’m truly terrified whenever Robbie Cano steps into the batters-box against Lester/Buchholz/Lackey/[Insert Red Sox pitcher here] and the game can change with one swing of the bat. So, if you’re telling me I won’t have to deal with the feeling of terror some 19 games next year, and in place deal with Ellsbury hitting one of his bloop singles? Shiiiiiit, that’s the greatest early Christmas gift a man could ask for (kinda…not really).

Let’s wrap this thing up, I’m starting to ramble. Stemming from many different statistical tests and years of research, I’ve come to this conclusion about the Yankees logic: If you can’t beat ’em, buy their players until you can (Ellsbury, Youkilis, Damon, Clemens, RUTH).

If this Happens One More Time…


…I’ll be just as mad as I am right now, and that’s as far as it will go.

This past (Black)Friday I skated for the first time since I sprained my ankle some 3-weeks ago. After witnessing firsthand the true terror that comes with Black Friday shopping (thanks Mom and Dad for any Black Friday experiences you went through to make us happy), I was at peace with the world knowing I was ending it with my one true love: my skateboard. (Shopping on that Friday was so bad that I wasn’t in the mood to shop anymore, which is a pretty rare thing for me.) Even though I had to pay $5 to skate at a local indoor park, I decided she (my skateboard) was worth it, and splurged all over the place.

As I pulled up to the park, I noticed there were no spots left. The last time there were no spots left I parked in the parking lot right next to the park; $150 later, and a ride to the local impound lot from some skaterats I was finally on my way home. Homie ain’t about that life, so I created my own spot right behind my friend Luis’s car and went on my merry way. When opening the door, the sounds of the wheels going across the cement floor, the pop of the tail, and the grind of the trucks filled my ears with the loveliest of melodies ever composed. I was in heaven. After putting my ankle brace on (thanks, mom) and stretching a little bit I hopped on my board and the rest is history. Up until it happened.

I broke my board.

Now, I’m not usually upset when I break my board, because I like to think of it as an accomplishment (at least when you’re trying a trick, and you don’t break it out of frustration). But, this time was different. No, it wasn’t because the thought of my friends calling me fat the last time I broke my board is still haunting me (sad face), nor was it the fact that it was my first day back after 3-weeks. It’s the fact that this is my third or fourth broken board in the last 3(ish) months, and decks aren’t cheap – they’re $50 a pop!

Skating after a broken board isn’t the same. I always find my self skating timidly after I break a deck, and I never try doing the trick I broke my board on again the rest of the session, which kind of sucks. It’s always a trick that I need more practice on, but it always has to wait until the next session. However, I put those thoughts behind me the best I could, and was able to continue skating because I always carry a spare deck in the backseat of my car (for times like this).This deck I carry with me at all times is old, which means it has lost its pop making it pretty useless, but sometimes you have to work with what you got and I’m tankful it hasn’t snapped on me yet.

Don’t fret you guys. A new board is on the way (thank you Cyber Monday!), so here’s to hoping it lasts more than a month! Or else…