Those of you who personally know me may have witnessed my undying love (and maybe uncanny, but who’s to judge?) of the Boston Red Sox, and my hatred for anything that negatively affects them. Whether these witnessed occasions have been me pouring my feelings out via Facebook posts/Tweets, or if they were in-person outbursts, I just want to let you know: if you’re seeking an apology from me, you’d have an easier time finding an ugly girl in the neighborhood The Stepford Wives lived in. And, with the deal made between the Skankees and Ellsbury, let us embark on a magical journey where I shall continue the streak of you seeking an apology.

On Tuesday night the Evil Empire and ex-Red Sox Center Fielder, Jacoby Ellsbury, struck a 7-year $153 million deal, with a pending option year to boost that lovely income. But, for some reason I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I would be. Could it be because Sox fans saw this coming after they won their 8th World Series title in October? Perhaps it’s because the Sox have a top prospect in University of South Carolina standout Jackie Bradley Jr., who is waiting to be called up to take on the tricky confines that come with playing the outfield in Fenway? Maybe it’s because Ellsbury has been riddled with injuries the past two seasons? Still shocked he would sign with a rival? Most likely it’s a combination of all of that, and more. I can’t really come to a conclusion. But, nonetheless, we have to move on.

Now, I don’t want it to sound like I’m bashing Ellsbury, or making it look like he isn’t a good fit for the Yankees, but is he really worth $153 million over 7 years? That’s almost $22 million a year, making him the 3rd highest paid outfielder in MLB history. He’s had one great, and I mean GREAT year in 2011 (30+ HR’s, 30+ steals, 100+ RBI, .321 batting avg., 158 games played), and everybody was so high on him – he would have won the AL-MVP had Justin Verlander not had a great year of his own. But, since 2010 he’s played in an average of 96 games, due to injuries (some of them minor). Do you really want to invest in something that risky? By all means go for it, Yankees. It may come back to bite you in the long run, like much of your other risky investments.

Not only did this deal shock the baseball world, but the Yankees may not have enough money to bring back perhaps the best second basemen in the Show, Robinson Cano. (I say “perhaps” because I love my boy Pedroia, and that guy is a warrior.) With the Yankees wanting to stay under the $189 million luxury-tax threshold, it may be hard thing to do having signed Ellsbury and catcher Brian McCann ($85 million). But, they’re the Yankees; if they wanted to hire some grave diggers to bring back Babe Ruth and sign him for $94 million a year, I wouldn’t be surprised…

Enough about that, it’s totally impossible; unless you’re Ellie Goulding *que’s Anything Can Happen*. I can honestly say I’m truly terrified whenever Robbie Cano steps into the batters-box against Lester/Buchholz/Lackey/[Insert Red Sox pitcher here] and the game can change with one swing of the bat. So, if you’re telling me I won’t have to deal with the feeling of terror some 19 games next year, and in place deal with Ellsbury hitting one of his bloop singles? Shiiiiiit, that’s the greatest early Christmas gift a man could ask for (kinda…not really).

Let’s wrap this thing up, I’m starting to ramble. Stemming from many different statistical tests and years of research, I’ve come to this conclusion about the Yankees logic: If you can’t beat ’em, buy their players until you can (Ellsbury, Youkilis, Damon, Clemens, RUTH).


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